Date:	2006-09-28 21:11
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	discontent
Music:	air-late night tales

"Just the sick knowing that the wrongness was growing in the full moon. Listening, he scratches his chin, the small rasp of a beard. He is not asleep. He must come out, or there is no going in."

once i wanted to be the greatest
no wind or waterfall could stop me.
then came the rush of the flood...




i don't know what i'm doing. one bad habit replaces another. one object to cling to replaces another. and then there is no replacement. there's just adding until i'm helping death on. waving it on.
so my body moves. that works right. it moves while it works. it moves with another. but nothing else moves. and sometimes it doesn't matter. because there's no real connection with anyone.
except maybe one.
and you ruin that.
or try to.
because maybe you shouldn't have it?
because it goes against your natural law?
because anything out of the ordinary is frightening?
because everything?

Date:	2005-12-16 13:55
Subject:	la mer
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	edith piaf

anne sexton 1975


The Earth Falls Down


If I could blame it all on the weather,
the snow like the cadaver's table,
the trees turned into knitting needles,
the ground as hard as a frozen haddock,
the pond wearing its mustache of frost.
If I could blame conditions on that,
if I could blame the hearts of strangers,
striding muffled down the street.
or blame the dogs, every color,
sniffing each other
and pissing on the doorstep...
If I could blame the war on the war
where its fire Brillos my hair...
If I could blame the bosses
and the presidents for
their unpardonable songs...
If I could blame it on all
the mother and fathers of the world,
they of the lessons, the pellets of power,
they of the love surrounding you like batter...
Blame it on God perhaps?
He of the first opening
that pushed us all into our first mistakes?
No, I'll blame it on Man
For Man is God
and man is eating up the earth
like a candy bar
and not one of them can be left alone with the ocean
for it is known he will gulp it all down.
The stars (possibly) are safe.
At least for the moment.
The stars are pears
that no one can reach,
even for a wedding.

Perhaps for a death.

Date:	2005-12-15 23:51
Subject:	this is the sick sort of thing depression does to you
Security:	Public
Mood:	exanimate
Music:	sigor ros

Step 1: Open your Winamp or other lesser MP3 player.
Step 2: Put all of your music on random.
Step 3: Write down the first 20 songs it plays, no matter how embarrssing.


1) Jon Brion - Later Monday
2) Loretta Lynn - Portland Oregon
3) The concretes - you can't hurry love
4) yeah yeah yeahs - cold night
5) johnny cash-ring of fire
6) thievery corporation-all that we percieve
7) thelonius monk quartest-rhythm-a-ning
8) portishead -it's a fire
9) poe - angry johnny
10)nancy sinatra-it ain't me babe
11)sufjan stevens-to be alone with you
12)nina simone -mood indigo
13)iggy pop-tonight
14)some boy-further
15)badly drawn boy - silent sigh
16)sons and daughters - hunt
17)cat power - the greatest
18)le tigre - let's run
19)nick cave and the bad seeds - the weeping song
20)wilco - i am trying to break your heart




why am i doing this?



1. Sleep with or without clothes on? it changes with mood and temperature

2. Prefer black or blue pens? i prefer black. but that's just because i'm goth at heart

3. Dress up on Halloween? as a confused, lost college girl

4. Like to travel? i'm sure i'd love it

5. Like someone? no, everyone disgusts me

6. Love someone? sure

7. Who sleeps with you every night? my eleven personalities?

8. Think you're attractive? thank you

9. Want to get married? silly question. OF COURSE! ... the answer is no

10. TO? brian viglione?

11. Are you a good student? i'm a good student of meditation

12. Are you currently happy? there are happy feelings pulsing, but no overall happiness at the moment

13. i deleted question #13. take issue with it. try it.

14. Birthplace? little farmhouse in alabama

15. Christmas or Halloween? christmas. more well-balanced meal.

16. Colored or black-and-white photo? i could never choose between you

17. Do long distance relationships work? "cant fuck a phone." <-- i'm just leaving the previous person's answer

18. Do you believe in astrology? no, but i believe in you and me

20. Do you believe in love at first sight? no... it's more like "nice lips..." or "nice ass..."

21. Do you consider yourself the life of the party? i'm the after-life of the party

22. Do you drink? very little now

23. Do you make fun of people? in a loving manner, unfortunately

24. Do you think dreams eventually come true? i don't know. what are your dreams? have you taken your vitamins?

25. Favorite fictional character? T.J. Mackey (Tom Cruise's character from Magnolia)

26. Go to the movies or rent? it changes with mood and temperature

27. Have you ever moved? yes

28. Have you ever stolen anything? hearts and brains

29. How's the weather right now? as icy as the queen's stare

30. Last time you cut your hair? 2004 sometime

31. Last person you talked to on the phone? my mother. how depressing

32. Last time you showered? this afternoon

33. Loud or Soft Music? are we talking soft in the tactile sense?

34. McDonalds or Burger King? i prefer to go directly to the slaughterhouse

35. Night or day? night

36. Number of Pillows? two. i always welcome more though

37. Piano or guitar? piano

38. Future job? avon lady

39. Current job? waitress.

41. Current longing? inspiration. whatever that is

42. Current disappointment? inspiration of the angsty kind

43. Current annoyance? that i must rise before noon tomorrow

44. Last thing you ate? gardenburger

45. Last kiss? so so long ago. like sunday or soemthing

46. Most recent thing you are looking forward to? reading harry potter and the order of the phoenix (i don't really understand the worde usage in the question)

47. What are you hearing right now? a cheesy austrailian pop song called "breathe me" by sia. it was featured on this season's soundtrack to six feet under

48. Plans for this weekend? working, writing a paper, sleeping, drinking orange juice, mistletoe

49. Favorite candy? skor bars

50. Last movie you saw? melinda and melinda. for about the fifth time

Date:	2005-12-14 21:41
Subject:	embarassment is pink
Security:	Public
Mood:	scared
Music:	the arcade fire

the definable hero
is hovering outside
your curtainless window.
she's written about
the snow on her ears
and the scars
in her skin.
copyright to prove it,
she's an asset
to your bookshelf
though, through the dust
of construction,
you wouldn't know it

to save your life

is your new thrill.
nothing beats
the smell of the pages
when you finger through
a few
lines read.
maybe two.
before it gets too heavy
and the heroic collection
of words, you drop

to turn away
to stare

imagine some other way
to get there











learning


pretending to read
books that were
too heavy for my arms
i watched
someone stitch motives
into our fabric home.
they never seemed nervous,
the tall ones,
in the strange communication
with one another.
the foreign language
of the climb
to show
to perfect nest,
use of which was never
admitted,
degarbles to desperation
i finally sense
when pretending
to read books
my arms are too heavy for.
i watch
in disgust.

Date:	2005-12-12 15:41
Subject:	no one on the other end
Security:	Public
Mood:	apathetic
Music:	the dresden dolls

i feel like listing my current obessions.
typing is so much easier than writing.



songs>

bowie . quicksand
air . all i need
mirah . don't die in me
depeche mode . precious
cat power . the greatest
portishead . only you
aimee mann . momentum


dvd>

The Dresden Dolls in Paradise
Melinda and Melinda
Me and You and Everyone We Know


food>

tempeh.
cranberries.


concepts>

regret.

Date:	2005-12-12 00:03
Subject:	FUCK
Security:	Public
Mood:	gloomy
Music:	slide

amanda is hanging upside down.





i'm never speaking to another boy.
or anyone, for that matter.

Date:	2005-12-07 23:04
Subject:	i'm in love with illusions
Security:	Public
Mood:	thirsty
Music:	jenny lewis again

i want to understand.



oh dear.

Date:	2005-12-04 14:35
Subject:	i've been fucked off, i've been fooled
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold
Music:	jenny lewis, i guess

i'd rather be lonely
i'd rather be free
i'm as sure as the moon
rolls around the sea

but i like watching you undress
and i think we're at our best
by the flicker, by the light
of the tv set

'cause i can't remember
why i hated you
can't remember why i still do
but i'm as sure as the moon
rolls around you

that i could be happy
so happy

they warn you about killers
and thieves in the night
i worry about cancer
and living right
but my momma never warned me
about my destructive appetite

or the pitfalls of control
how it locks you in your grave
looking for someone to be saved
under my restraint

so i could be happy
so happy
happy

i'm as sure as the moon
rolls around

Date:	2005-12-02 18:24
Subject:	sever
Security:	Public
Mood:	numb
Music:	depeche mode - the dead of night

The attractiveness of this man is severe.




I've never been happier to see December 2nd.
I do not understand the birthday.
I wish I could be so selective and mean to other people to ensure that for just a moment... I am content.
Yeah apparently that's what it takes.
It's hard to weed out the destructive.

twenty-two is such a silly number.
i have no fucking clue what i'm doing.



ahmet zappa should marry me.

Date:	2005-11-16 22:55
Subject:	i'm on fire
Security:	Public
Mood:	indifferent
Music:	the dresden dolls

all of the doors in this house are getting harder to close. all of the faucets are getting harder to turn.
and because i am me, i believe this increase in difficulty has some significance.

i'm good for nothing.
will you love me just the same?

Date:	2005-11-05 01:08
Subject:	on this side
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted
Music:	mirah - of pressure

amanda palmer is so fucking beautiful





.dresden dolls
bad habit.

.portishead
strangers.

.the black heart procession
fingertips.

.nancy sinatra
lightning's girl.

.elliott smith
waltz #2.

.mirah
don't die in me.

.pj harvey
long snake moan.




losing.

i learn my name
i write with a number two pencil
i work up to my potential
i earn my name
i come when called
i jump when you circle the cherry
i sing like a good canary
i come when called
i come, that's all

send it up on fire
death before dawn
send it up on fire
death before dawn

i clean the house
i put all your books in an order
i make up a colorful border
i clean my mouth
'cause froth comes out

send it up on fire
death before dawn
send it up on fire
death before dawn

Date:	2005-10-16 15:23
Subject:	top five records
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	cat power - half of you

top five favorite songs:


1. the the - this is the day
2. rilo kiley - pictures of success
3. cat power - maybe not
4. don covay - mercy mercy
5. feist - mushaboom


(order subject to change)

Step 1: Open your Winamp or other lesser MP3 player.
Step 2: Put all of your music on random.
Step 3: Write down the first 20 songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing.


1. depeche mode - people are people
2. simon & garfunkel - a hazy shade of winter
3. portishead - only you
4. the black heart procession - fingerprints
5. nina simone - feelin' good
6. VHS or Beta - you got me
7. mono - life in mono
8. pj harvey - the whores hustle and the hustlers whore
9. sigur ros - njosnavelin (nothing song)
10. sons and daughters - awkward duet
11. the arcade fire - neighborhood #2
12. mogwai - close encounters
13. aimee mann - sliding doors
14. placebo - passive agressive
15. broken social scene - almost crimes
16. camera obscura - before you cry
17. nancy sinatra - sugar town
18. rilo kiley - gravity
19. air - dead bodies
20. elliott smith - pictures of me

i'd like people who have absolutely no idea to stop thinking they have the slightest.